Mystery Meat

Lance and I keep buying pork from the grocery store... the first time yes, it was pork. The second time....no it was lamb meat. And this last time? Lance thinks its DOG meat! Sick. What's worse? We usually don't figure out it's NOT pork until after the first bite.

Do a flip

Alrighty, so Samantha and I are wandering around this sports mall when we run into their swimming section. The nice little Chinese worker lady comes over to talk to us we do the usual "Ni Hao. . . (alot of Chinese I don't understand) . . . then they turn to Samantha and repeat it all over again cuz She'll understand it :s . . . then comes the Oh I'm an American. a few giggles from the worker girl. Then comes the Chinese I can understand. How Long have you been in China? . . . You're girlfriend is so pretty . . . Your Wife? . . . You are so young to be married . . ."
Ok, now to business. We found where they had their Speedos and the girl tells me that they are 50% off. So Speedos are $4 bucks. Ha! It was hilarious, I bought every Speedo they had in my size. The girl is just giggling the whole time as I pull one after another off the hanger that I found in my size. So I now will never have to purchase another speedo for as long as I live (or at least untill my gutt is too big to fit into them any more).
We found Samantha the cutest pair of shoes too that she said she refuses to wear while in China cuz they are way to cute to get buggered up here in China before anyone can see her sporting them. So she has sealed the shoe box and won't be wearing them till we get home. Ha!
Ok so after my Speedo binge we head back cuz I have a practice for the circus. At the end of the practice I told Brian (our dive Captain) that I wanted to warm up a high dive. So, after promissing him that I wouldn't get dead or fly out of the pool he said ok. We got Sam all hooked up with the video camera so just incase I did die she could submit the sweet footage of my death to America's Funniest Home Videos so she could win their $10,000 dollar prize (Ha!)
Unfortunately for Sam my high dive was a success so she won't be earning the $10,000 dollar reward for sending in the hilarious video of me missing the pool.

That night before the Show Samantha and I felt like eating mexican and we wanted to go Authentic so we were gonna make our own tortillas. Ha, they were great, they turned out to be like Squashed, cooked Play-dough pan cakes. We thought they were absolutelly delicious but whatever they were they weren't quite tortillas but we felt pretty dang proud of our Mexican skills.
We ended up just crumpeling the wanna be tortillas over the chicken and salsa and eating it like a salad because we couldn't wrap the chicken and salsa up with them, our little play-dough tortillas just fell apart when we tried to wrap every thing up. But it was good so No Complaints. We are planing on making them again very soon :)

Neverland

Hello all you people working "real" jobs. Samantha and I are having ourselves a grand time here in Neverland. Just the other day we rented us a two-seater bicycle with silly speeds and went for a ride through this sweet bike park. We were dodging Chinese people left and right cuz its summer time so everybody has August off before they have to get back into school. It was great! We saw a snake during our biking adventure and crazy neon spiders and lilly pads the size of a bed.
We felt pretty proud of ourselves because we were the only ones who peddled all the way to the top of this huge hill. Everyone else was pushing their bikes up it. As soon as we got to the top I told Samantha that we wore the brakes out going up that huge hill so now we had none. Ha! We went flying down the hill. I took my feet off the peddles and just stuck them out the whole way down, I probably looked like some character out of Mary Poppins.
The entire ride down I was singing the Theme Song of the Wicked Witch of the West as we zipped by all these Chinese dudes who would just stop and stare and say "Hey look! A WHITE guy" ha!
The whole way Samantha is just yelling at me, "slow down! Not so fast! Lance!!! No! Slow down!" (we really weren't even going that fast, on these dinky little rusted up two-seaters our top speed was about as fast as a butterfly, Sam just thought we were going fast cuz I had my feet off the peddles :) ) Ha!

At the Movies

On Friday the Kindergarten put my class on a bus and sent us to the movies. Apparently we were limited on our movie options....but as I am unable to read or speak Chinese, I had no idea what movie we were about to watch. It ended up being a Chinese film about an EARTHQUAKE called AfterShock. The first part was really scary and then it got really boring really fast. The two youngest kids were bouncing up and down on their seats and tickling each other. Alex, one of my students, was transporting jelly beans back and forth from my bag (on one end of the row), past about 6 people that weren't in our group, to the kids at the other end of the row. It's a wonder that we didn't get kicked out.

We ended up leaving the movie early. Once outside, we found out that there wasn't anybody coming to pick us up. We had been left to find our own ride back to the Kindergarten. We all squished into a taxi and made it back to the school just in time for Alex to catch his bus and for the rest of the kids to get picked up by their parents.

It's so weird to me that the kindergarten would 1. send us to a freaky chinese movie, and 2. leave us to find our own way home.

Little Squeals and Happy Meals

Today was crack up! so the end of the year school field trip with the kids was to. . . McDonalds. Ha!
It was great. So to start they cram 3 class all together on one bus to drive us to Mickey D's. There were 3 kids to every seat and all the teachers had to just stand in the aisles on the bus.
Once we got to McDonalds we had the funnest time trying to keep all the kids under control while we walked in. Once we finally got them all to sit down they brought in the burgers. It was so funny to see all these little kids with ketchup all over their faces and french fry grease on their shirts.
After they finished eating their food they were allowed like 3 minutes to run through the play place. That was hilarious. Pretty much the kids rushed the play place and they all got stuck trying to squeeze through the slide and they spent the entire 3 minutes just stuck there until the teachers went and started pulling them out.
One of the little kids from my class managed to sneak up the slide and wouldn't come out so I went in after him. I climbed up the slide and grabbed him and pushed him down the slide and flew down after him cuz I knew that as soon as he hit the bottom he would bolt and try to run into the play place again. I was right, he was already on his way in when I caught him by his ankle and flipped him right off his feet and held him upside down in the air.
We took pictures with the kids and Samantha's class was a crack up. Her kids were in the most random poses, just like the latest Nielsen family picture :) ha!

Squirt Guns and Little Squirts

Ha! Well today was a Blast! Samantha and I got to school this morning and all of a sudden music started playing over the intercom system in the school and all the kids and teachers came running out of their class rooms for a water fight with the entire school,the principal teachers, students, nurses, security guards, lunch ladies, they were all there and it was great.
The school had turned on the FIRE HOSES at the school and were using them to fill buckets and garbage cans that everyone could refill their water guns in but soon we got a hold of them and we were using the Fire Hoses to Hose down the students and faculty.
The best was when the school nurse came out to play and she wore her Nurse's Uniform thinking that "No one would squirt me if I'm in my Nurse Uniform" Hwa hwa hwa that didn't stop us one bit. As soon as she stepped onto the play ground she got a bucket dumped right on her head. Ha!
Some of the teachers thought they could escape the soggy charade by hiding out on the second floor using the fire hose to squirt us down below, well think again, we grabbed our guns and buckets and had them soaked in No time.
It was just some good old fashon fun, it was just hilarious to see the security guards still decked out in their uniforms squirting kids with their own squirt guns and to see the principal of the school running around with a bucket full of water dumping it on unsuspecting people who were filling their guns back up in the buckets. FUN FUN FUN!!!

We're In China!

Nihao!

Lance and I are in China!
We'll keep you updated on all of our "where the heck are we...? safaris." In fact, we just had one today! We were walking around Guangzhou City, trying to find an electronics mall we thought was on Beijing Lu....well we never found the electronics mall, but we got to do some sight seeing. We ended up walking to a place called Martyrs Park. It is a beautiful garden with lily pads and roses. We'll definitely be going back to investigate it some more!